Buble

Bubbles. I can’t wait! At least, there’s something to look forward to. It’s been a while since I’ve been this excited. Too bad no one else shares it. Guess it’s the warmth. Like she understands how it’s okay to be silent.

Shutting down

If I were to write a book, nobody would read it. This, I’m pretty damn sure.

The other alternative is to paint. But I’ve never had an ounce of talent for that. During my toddler years, paint-with-water books were my favourite. I can only wander the galleries. Admiring instead of as the admired.

I’ve been so tired lately. There have been changes. They have been good. But I am still lost, at times. The invisible plan that I have to follow everyday. And the things I have to do to keep up with this plan. Doing things on my own has its own kind of fun. But sometimes it borders on neglect, and that can be tiring. Especially when you’re not in the best position to complain.

What do I want? I want to sit quietly beside my dog and watch it nuzzle close to me. I want to watch any TV I can get and have all the ice cream I want. With raisins on top. I want to sleep early, I want to wake up late.

I wish I didn’t have to cry anymore. Or feel afraid.

I believe that I’m faster at work. Better, on the whole. And there’s this new friend, that resembles him sometimes. Just knowing that he’s around, makes me feel at home. But this is an excuse of course. To indulge in my misery again. I do have to stop taking comfort in pain. Lest I forget what reality is.

And I’m closing my eyes now.