You are currently browsing the monthly archive for July 2007.
Hah. I found you quietly hiding in the basket. Why didn’t I ever think of indulging in you before?
Chomp. Chomp. Chomp.
This is good! Sinful but good.
In a bit, I will be listening to the angels sing. It helps me connect my thoughts to the writing I was meant to do.
Strawberry junkfood for brunch. That’s a good start.
And what’s happening tonight?
Good fun I can’t wait!
But hmm, it doesn’t seem like a celebration anymore. Just a get-together to go crazy!
Work time now, though.
It’s been done.
Now I don’t know whether I should let you know too.
Would you even care?
Maybe not.
Since you didn’t care about my birthday either.
A broken promise will forever be etched in your name.
Never again.
Since you never really loved me after all.
Suffocation.
How can I describe this to them?
I know love is the intention. But I can’t b.r.e.a.t.h.e.
You’re trying to make things simpler for me. But it’s only complicating matters.
Rebellious streak? It’s in me now.
I just want to be left alone.
Do you find that you want some time to do your own things?
Yes. I haven’t found that yet.
I want to drive. I want to go some place and not worry about whether I’m causing any inconvenience to you.
I want to form friendships without needing approval from you. I see the light in everyone. Why can’t you too?
Questions. Too many questions. I know it’s because I don’t talk. But I have my reasons for silence.
This feeling within, it’s suffocating me.
Plus, I didn’t even manage to save up enough for a camera. Sheesh!
But things are going to get better. I know it.
Don’t be so impatient. Don’t live my life for me. I am young, but I am 24. I need this space, this life for the life of me. If I share my time with you, please don’t make me into you.
Please respect my decisions. My actions. My privacy. My thoughts.
Please stop bugging me about frivolous things that you already know the answer to. I hope that you will take a little time to process these thoughts before you call me during the crucial hours of the day.
Let’s be carefree. It’s okay if I can’t make it for dinner right? It’s okay if you go on home first right? Why does everything have to be exact? Why do you need so much control? Why do you need a firm grip of the future?
When I tell you something, I wish to share my life with you. But it doesn’t mean that you can invade my perspective and twist the details into the silliest negative assumptions that only you can think of!
Sometimes, I hear them say: You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.
How do I deal with this?
A tension of opposites.
I just need a little time out.
And it would help if you’d stop smoking.
What would it take for blue, blue skies…
How’s your halo? It’s been a long time.
You can’t let go of your past?
I’m trying to.
How do I do that? Can you help me?
If you’re willing to open up to the possibilities.
There is a Guardian Angel for everybody out there.
Are you mine?
If not, why was it Turquoise when it couldn’t have been anything but Turquoise? Are you lying because I’m willing?
I’m willing. I’m willing to believe anything. For blue, blue skies.
I want to clear my conscience. I want my anger to disappear. I don’t want to go back in 10 years, and see the chart do a dip.
I want to stop talking about it. I can’t do that, if you keep asking questions. If you keep assuming. If you keep talking like I don’t exist.
Maybe I need some of that Love & Light spray you like so much.
Mondays give me a heartache. They weigh me down. They turn me into this monster. Who needs all the help she can get from the heavens above.
I believe. I believe in you, my Angel.
Please come and save me soon.
How well it went. That surprised me.
I made the change.
I stumbled upon the one thing I’ve searched for for a long time now.
What’s next?
Maybe it’s what I didn’t do. As I’ve heard, pain is what it is now and what you want it to be.
I’m over your lies
and I’m over your games
I’m over you asking me
when you know I’m not okay
What’s the use of holding on when the grip has space for two, but nobody’s next to you?
You call me at night
and I pick up the phone
And though you’ve been telling me
I know you’re not alone
I thought you’ve changed. But maybe this is you. Disappointment, a part of your every world. Time and time again, it has engulfed mine.
That’s why
(your eyes)
I’m over it
(your smile)
I’m over it
(realise)
I’m over it
I’m over it
I’m over..
I don’t want to lie to the little me no more. There’s nothing left to lie about. I’ve been around that block. I didn’t like it the last time. I’m not liking it now.
Wanting you
to be wanting me
No that ain’t no way to be
How I feel, read my lips
because I’m so over
Moving on, it’s my time
you never were a friend of mine
Hurt at first, a little bit
but now I’m so over
I’m so over it
It’ll surely come back. Like nausea, I’m not good at keeping it down. It’ll get me sick when I remember it’s there. But if I forget, I know I’ll be okay.
I’m over your hands
and I’m over your mouth
Trying to drag me down
and fill me with self-doubt
Like the gays and lesbians of the world out there, if you only care for yourself the possibilities are endless. You can do whatever you want to be happy, without caring whether it’s affecting your family or the ones you love. In a snap, you’re out of the closet not because you’re proud of it, but because you just don’t care. It’s your life. It’s what you missed out on. It’s what you’re still missing. And I don’t want to say this to you again.
When you move forward, you leave things behind. If you had a heart though, you’d bring some things along with you. My toys, the love that I have for the things I loved when I was six, I have them all here around me. This is me. This is who I am.
Too bad I can’t say the same about you. The extremist, who seeks a 360-degree change when the change does come by.
That’s why
(your words)
I’m over it
(so sure)
I’m over it
(I’m not your girl)
I’m over it
I’m over it
I’m over…
Yes. The only thing we share is a history. What else is left? When someone’s no longer important, they cease to exist. Like in Merlin. And so I cease to exist in your life.
I thought it was okay. I thought there was a glimmer of hope, no matter how far into the future. But now this beacon has been slapped out of consciousness.
It’ll be awkward. Really awkward.
Maybe you should have thought of all this before you promised. And started breaking promises again. How can you not know that trust is not so easy to be earned when it’s lost? Right now, I have completely lost every trust I ever had in you.
So don’t worry. I won’t contact you to bring me to your place for work’s sake. Even after you promised to do so. Or initiated it. Your concerns are only for selfish reasons, which I cannot stand. If that makes you a happier person, please realise that it doesn’t make you a better person.
And before the end of the week, I hope to have some transformation installed. I don’t want no more control. When every call is hurried and hushed, because I can’t pay my own bills. Well that has got to stop. I no longer want your charity. Because charity is meant to be given with an open heart. And yours have darkened mine.
Don’t call
don’t come by
ain’t no use
don’t ask me why
You’ll never change
there’ll be no more crying in the rain
Wanting you
to be wanting me
No that ain’t no way to be
How I feel, read my lips
because I’m so over..
Moving on, it’s my time
you never were a friend of mine
Hurt at first, a little bit
but now I’m so over
I’m so over it..
My Birthday is on its way. And I want to get over it.
I’ve forgotten.
I’ve forgotten about this life.
I can’t remember today.
Everyday blanks over like the hours before.
I don’t know where I’m heading.
But I know where I want to go.
It’s been a long year
Since we last spoke
How’s your halo?
Just between you and I
You and me and the satellites
I never believed you
I only wanted to
Before all of this
What did I miss?
Do you ever get homesick?
I can’t get used to it
I can’t get used to it
I’ll never get used to it
I’ll never get used to it
It’s sad when they have it in movies. Sometimes, I ache for them. But one thing I’ve got to change, is to get more time to catch up on these, my ol’ favourites.
I feel so grown up, I don’t know how to react when I meet children. Children of men.
I feel tired too, as these responsibilities take its toll on me. I don’t know what I’m becoming. Who I am. Who I’ll be.
And these spots, they are driving me crazy. My eyes feel like they’ve not seen the moonlight for years.
Plus, I’ll soon be 24.
And I can’t imagine what you revealed last night. Never, never would I have thought that I could have this kind of effect with anyone at all.
It’s 12.30 am. Just trying to get some work done so I can have the Sunday to myself.
Something is amiss. My weekends go by in a breeze.
I get mighty annoyed when I have to edit something that someone has not put any effort into. I hate cut and pasters. If only the word ’summarise’ and ‘paraphrase’ could knock them on their heads.
I’m sleepy, but I think I’ll give this an hour.
I miss you. I miss you. I don’t know who you are.
She’s going away, and we’re all left with but 4.
Older I will be soon. And everyone seems to be leaving. Hopefully to some place greener.
My wish list? I haven’t jhad time to think much of it. I just want everybody to be happy.
Including me.
These new pair of fairy stilletoes, I’m keeping ‘em for my big day. Now I just have to find some wings to go with it.
I don’t know if it’s a good idea to have 20 people in my house at once. There’ll be not much entertainment, unless I have time to think of some games for ‘em. I’ve gotta find a way to get my Strawberry Shortcake invites!
I’m glad they liked you too. I hope everyone will, because I do.
